Friday, October 5, 2012

Today

I'm not perfect.  I don't always make the right choice that coincides with what my heart really believes to be the best thing for my family.  But, I try.  Sometimes I fail, but today-for a few moments-I succeeded!  And my heart is overflowing with love.

Today I chose to put my "smart" phone down and focus on my tired, nursing 12-month-old.

I focused on her full, warm cheeks; her slowing sucks and occasionally tremulous jaw; her fingers feeling around her favorite ribbon loops on her well-loved blankie; her firm, yet squishy thigh that fits just perfectly in my hand;  her hair on the back of her neck getting the slightest bit damp as her neck rested against my forearm; her droopy eyelids that opened every so often as if to check that I was still there.

TODAY, I noticed.  And my heart swelled with emotion.

Today, I chose to check on my quiet three-year-old as he lay still, yet awake, in his bed.  Instead of smiling and waving as I turned to go have some "me" time-

I chose to get in bed with him and cuddle.

I smiled and brushed his long blond hair out of his eyes.  I pulled up his favorite (though, now too short) blanket.  I rubbed his back.  I softly held his warm, pink cheek in my hand; and I watched his eyelids get so heavy they could no longer open.  I felt his breath in my face.  I listened to his off and on suck bursts on his pacifier until they stopped.

TODAY, I stayed.  And my heart filled with emotion.

Today I chose to awaken my five-year-old girl from a very rare nap before the others awoke just so we could have some cuddle time.

Today, I chose to lift her body out of bed and carry her downstairs so I could hold her on my lap as I did when she was much younger.  I stared into her big, brown eyes as they opened, and then closed and opened and closed again.  I held her close and whispered, "Please don't ever get too big to cuddle with me!"  I brushed her hair away from her face and traced the line on her face that marked her sleep.  I squeezed a little harder.  I waited for her thumb to come out of her mouth, and I saw her smile.  We laughed, and giggled, and laughed some more.

TODAY, I was present and focused on her.  And my heart overflowed with emotion.

What precious moments I was given.  What precious hearts I was given to fill-for a few years anyway.

I am in awe of the intricacies of how we were created.

And I am humbled by how much more He loves us.

...Even when I don't make good choices.